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Joined: March 13, 2011
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Comments posted: 1
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I agree. The former, while slightly more "wordy," (to coin an AmE term) is indicative of good story telling and thus good writing. If we were writing this in an incident report for a security company, the simpler version of the latter example would be the way to go. However it would be death-on-paper for any author to use the latter in storytelling as the fluid motion of the narrative would be brought to a screeching halt.
March 13, 2011, 8:28pm
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